I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
