Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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