I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
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