Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
Randomize
