So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
