Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
