it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
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