it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
29 Frat Parties That Got Way Too Out Of Control
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
15 Ridiculous Ways Broke People Managed to Make a Buck
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.