how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
Some Animals Are Total Jerks (10+ pics)
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
23 Roommates Share Secrets Their Roomie Thinks They Don’t Know
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.