he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
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she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
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Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm