Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
The 19 Strangest Things People Use To Get Off
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
These 25 Normal Couples Tried Porn Moves During Sex And It Ended Horribly
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there