I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
My vagina is officially offended.
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
Randomize
