Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
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