I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
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