do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
