I can tuck mytits in my pants
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
Randomize
