So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
Randomize
