I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Randomize
