She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
Everclear isn't food dammit
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
Randomize
