I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Randomize
