So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Randomize
