Got a toothbrush?
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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