and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
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