i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
New low: just hacked my moms facebook
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
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