I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
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If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
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I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
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