It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
Randomize
