Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
Randomize
