I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
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