If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
Gay?
German.
Pity.
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
Randomize
