She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
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