I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
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