Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
Randomize
