I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
Randomize
