party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
he's single and there are thong briefs.
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