please come you make the beer taste better
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
Randomize
