i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
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You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
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We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
My breath smells like gin and sadness
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