Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Randomize
