Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
Randomize
