dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
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