you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Randomize
