Fine. I'll sleep in my office
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
Randomize
