I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
Randomize
