he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
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I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
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The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
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