We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
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