yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
