If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
