i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
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