i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Randomize
