i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
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