awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Randomize
