he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
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I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
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YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
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