Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
Randomize
