I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
Randomize