Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
Randomize
