I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
I am one with the molecules
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
Randomize
