i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
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