If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
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