If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
I checked into jail on foursquare
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
Randomize
