i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
Randomize
