I don't think brook has ever known best
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
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