I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
no more duck duck goose at the bar
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
Randomize
