So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
