Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
Randomize
