Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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