My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Randomize
