hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
Randomize
